“I don’t wanna leave Bali.” Said a scared voice in my head. I just knew in my heart it was time to make a change of scenery and self. I had the chance to travel in Bali and Lombok with my parents and best friend for one month. Beautiful times we had! We created awesome memories together, never missed a sunset and did a lot of fun road trips on the bike. All of the sudden the time speeded up; a month had already passed and it was time for them to leave the island.
I knew the next thing was about to happen: I was getting scared of my solitude. I’m so used to being alone but that feeling of seeing them leave was difficult and left me feeling lonely. My monkey mind was triggered and all I could think of was; why in the hell would I still continue this life I was living right now? I’m an explorer by heart but sometimes I’m getting tired and just want to settle down for a while in a place where I feel at home. The easiest way was just to go home to the Netherlands but the thing about ‘home’ is that it doesn’t feel like that. I questioned myself a lot these days and I felt like I was hiding in my shell.
After my parents left I booked a room for a couple of nights in Canggu. Last year this was my number one spot so I already knew the place and made good friends. “Okay take some breathing time for yourself and then you can figure out what your next move will be.”
Adjusting my sails
Canggu wasn’t really giving me the feeling I was hoping for. My bad for having these expectations. I needed to let go of that thought and had to adjust my vision for the upcoming month. It took me some time to figure it out which was quite funny. Usually, it’s easy to book flight tickets right? Well in my state of mind it took me 3 days to actually do it. The reason? I was scared to go out there again. I was so used to Bali and my bubble that I didn’t really feel like traveling anymore. Deep down I just knew I had to make a change. Not only my environment but for myself as well.
When you connect the dots
Last year my travel buddy and I found ourselves in some sort of crazy funny ‘movie scene’ where we had to leave Thailand as soon as possible. Quite the adventure! When we were traveling in the Northern parts of Thailand we decided to go to the South together. Island life was calling us and we could imagine ourselves sitting on a white divine beach with a coconut in our hands already. (Who doesn’t duh) We made our way to crazy Bangkok where we found out that my partner in crime was in ‘trouble’, big trouble. It had something to do with the Thai Embassy and an overstay for 30 days. And that’s the last thing you want to deal with right? It either means you have to pay a shit load of money or go to prison and forget about the coconuts on the beach. There will be another possibility to go to the South of Thailand I thought to myself. And it happened a year later.
I was never really into the whole full moon party scene so I never thought about going to Koh Phangan (an island in the South of Thailand). I only heard about this piece of paradise when people were telling me about the parties. But a guy that I spoke to in a restaurant in Bangkok told me that the island was full of magic and so much more than a party island. I felt stuck in Canggu, Bali and missed some magic in my life. I remembered the words that came out of this stranger his mouth a year ago. And I believed him 100% because I needed some magic in my life.
I decided to book a flight to Thailand. And this stranger became a good friend later on.
I was able to connect the dots; I needed to be in Koh Phangan at this time. I needed some healing vibes from the island. Now I don’t even wanna leave this magical place. Funny that a month ago I didn’t wanna leave Bali and now that I booked my flight back to Bali I’m not even sure I made the right decision. 😉
No one wants to leave sticky island
The word island doesn’t do Koh Phangan any justice. For me, it was much more than that. Koh Phangan is like a divine magical portal where the veil is thin so you can learn to see straight through your own illusions. A lot of people that will come to this island will feel the healing energy. There are even stories that the island sits on a bed of ancient quartz. No wonder why it’s called sticky island; the energy is amazing out here. /
I had to deal with a lot of old fears coming out. You just have to keep on going until you found that peace in your heart to let go and to surrender. Let go of all the shit that you are doing to yourself. It’s like I’m my worst enemy blocking my own blessings. And I think we truly need to get out of our own way sometimes in order to receive the magic of the universe. If we are too much inside of our heads we will not be able to see the signs. And these signs are just in front of us. We just have to be willing to trust and surrender once in a while. And remind ourselves that we are always guided by a higher force.
I’m grateful that Koh Phangan has played a big role in my journey of healing. And I’m pretty sure we will meet again. Maybe sooner than later. 😉
Some of the photos I took and would love to share with you:
Enjoy a refreshing swim at the paradise waterfalls and feel reborn after.
“Shall we meet at sunset?”
Art Cafe in Sri Thanu.
I made a lot of dog friends that’s for sure!
Sunkissed kisses from Thailand.. Till next time.