Yay spring is here! A new year.. And I’m contemplating about the last couple of years of my life as I am writing this. And it’s beautiful to see how the journey is unfolding. It feels damn good to be lost in the right direction.
As a teenager I was always dead sure about – well just about anything. I always knew exactly what I wanted and I had this picture of myself as a ‘grown-up’ in my head. I already told myself I would have my first child at the age of 24. And live happily ever after with the love of my life. As the years gone by my ‘grown-up’ picture became more and more foggy. After my graduation I had no sense of direction. As if I was losing grip. Losing grip of that picture perfect. And it was making me numb.
When the only choice you have is growth
That numb feeling. It’s the most terrifying shit ever. No feelings, nothing. Just empty. All that chaos was tearing me a part. Saying goodbye to the one I thought I was going to grow old with. Moving out of the apartment. The feeling of not really fulfilling my passion. Everything was happening at once. Now I realize that whenever things are starting to fall a part it’s because the only choice you have is to grow. It’s like life is shaking your whole being and is screaming – “you better evolve or die, because this is not what your soul needs”. Growth can be fucking painful once you resist against it. It’s like you have to say goodbye to some parts of yourself. Well, Life is a dance and it’s up to you to take the lead. It’s not constant – it’s changing all the time. And everything will happen for the right reasons. So be lost and find yourself in the middle of the chaos. Lost in the right direction
“Emptiness signifies that everything one encounters in life is empty of absolute identity, permanence, or an in-dwelling “self”. This is because everything is inter-related and mutually dependent – never wholly self-sufficient or independent. All dynamic things are in a state of constant flux where energy and information are forever flowing throughout the natural world giving rise to and themselves undergoing major transformations with the passage of time.”
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